On Pride
“Of all the marvelous works of the Deity, perhaps there is nothing that angels behold with such supreme astonishment as a proud man.”
Let’s talk about Pride and Friends: the companions being Humiliation, Contempt, and Revenge.
It is no secret that the Gods loathe hubris. Few statements are as well known as Pride cometh before the fall — or my preferred version, Pride isn’t the opposite of shame, it’s the source. Excessive pride, vanity and ego not only turn the Gods against you, but the people as well, and fuels the fire of quiet envy into action.
Baltasar Gracian wrote in one of his maxims than you should “Never talk of Yourself,” stating that You must either praise yourself, which is vain, or blame yourself, which is little-minded: it ill beseems him that speaks, and ill pleases him that hears. And if you should avoid this in ordinary conversation, how much more in official matters, and above all, in public speaking, where every appearance of unwisdom really is unwise.
This same pride is the downfall of some of the most powerful men in the world, including both Musk and Trump. Despite having reached the pinnacle of wealth, status, fame and influence, neither man can take a joke. They are petty beyond petty. It goes to show that money never solves your defects of character; rather, it amplifies them for the world to see.
In his Letters to his Son, Lord Chesterfield wrote about how we typically underestimate how many flaws prominent men have:
“…Young people are very apt to overrate both men and things, from not being enough acquainted with them.
In proportion as you come to know them better, you will value them less.
You will find that reason, which always ought to direct mankind, seldom does; but that passions and weaknesses commonly usurp its seat, and rule in its stead.
You will find that the ablest have their weak sides too, and are only comparatively able, with regard to the still weaker herd: having fewer weaknesses themselves, they are able to avail themselves of the innumerable ones of the generality of mankind: being more masters of themselves, they become more easily masters of others. They address themselves to their weaknesses, their senses, their passions; never to their reason; and consequently seldom fail of success.
But then analyze those great, those governing, and, as the vulgar imagine, those perfect characters, and you will find the great Brutus a thief in Macedonia, the great Cardinal Richelieu a jealous poetaster, and the great Duke of Marlborough a miser.” —Letters to his Son by Lord Chesterfield
At the same time, it’s not just your own pride you have to be mindful of, but the pride of others.
We are hasty with our tongues, and we speak without thinking through the possible effect our words could have on the next man’s pride. What one man views as having a good-humored laugh at the next man’s expense might actually be a case of severely-wounded pride.
One of the most dangerous errors of commission is to kick a man when he’s down — especially in public. If your words would’ve had a negative effect in a small group, they grow in damage by orders of magnitude when exposed to the world.
If you humiliate a man in public, he will dedicate the rest of his life to getting revenge on you — no different than when Vito Corleone returns to Sicily to kill Don Ciccio.
Lord Chesterfield explains in full the power of contempt:
“…Be convinced, that there are no persons so insignificant and inconsiderable, but may, some time or other, have it in their power to be of use to you; which they certainly will not, if you have once shown them contempt.
Wrongs are often forgiven; but contempt never is. Our pride remembers it forever.
It implies a discovery of weaknesses, which we are much more careful to conceal than crimes. Many a man will confess his crimes to a common friend, but I never knew a man who would tell his silly weaknesses to his most intimate one—as many a friend will tell us our faults without reserve, who will not so much as hint at our follies; that discovery is too mortifying to our self-love, either to tell another, or to be told of one’s self.” —Letters to his Son by Lord Chesterfield
Our pride remembers it forever.
That is the power of humiliation and contempt. Even if you think a man is humble and level-headed, do not be fooled. All men are vain to their core — as La Rochefoucauld puts it, Pride is much the same in all men, the only difference is the method and manner of showing it.
You may not know that you’ve wounded a man’s pride. He won’t show it, because his mind will immediately gravitate towards getting eventual revenge. For the next twenty years, he will go home and sharpen his knife at night, smiling at you when he sees you, waiting for you to show weakness…and when you are finally at your most vulnerable, he will jam that shit right into your solar plexus.
Why is contempt such a powerful form of motivation?
I wish I knew. As far back as I can remember, being disrespected has always been some of the strongest ammunition around, whether it be getting dumped in a relationship or laughed out of a job interview. I’ve tried to substitute it for healthier forms of motivation, yet none are as potent:
The only reason I haven’t seriously fought against it is that this same fuel is used at the highest levels of competition. Matt Cassel, who played QB in New England, wrote about how Bill Belichick frequently employed Bulletin Board Material as a form of motivation:
“There's a sign every player sees when they leave the New England Patriots' facility. It says, Ignore the noise.
Starting in OTAs and minicamp, Bill Belichick's message to the team is always consistent. It’s, Look, the media is out there to do a job. They have their stories they’re going to write. But our job is not to give them what they want. Our job is to stay consistent.
It’s a business-like environment: You go in and you get your work done, and when he says we’re turning the page to the next opponent, he truly means that.
But in terms of bulletin board material, if somebody is vocal about attacking a certain aspect of the Patriots -- a weakness or where they think they can expose us -- he’ll absolutely read those quotes to the team.
It’s not overboard and it’s not blown out of proportion. But it's his way of letting the team know, This is what the opponent thinks of you.
The same goes for players like Kobe Bryant, who kept a “Kill List” of anybody ranked ahead of him in high school. Whether or not disrespect is a healthy form of motivation, it sure has been responsible for a lot of championships.
Ultimately, where I come down on this is that from personal experience, pride has done me a lot more harm than it has good. It can get you off your ass when you’ve been knocked down, but having your mind dialed in on anger, on negative things other people said or did, on revenge, on I’ll show them, like, all of this puts you in a bad place mentally. It harms your sleep, it adds stress, it reduces you from man to beast in that you’re driven not by reason but by fury. Because that’s really all that disrespect boils down to; another man wounded your pride, your delicate pride. And when you’re operating driven by pride, wounded or otherwise, it is only a matter of time before the fall cometh.
I leave you with some of the wisest words ever uttered:
“The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting.
That’s pride fuckin’ with you.
Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps.”
Kill your ego and put your pride to the side,
GB
